So there we have it. The British people have spoken, and although no-one's quite sure what they said, it is clear that they didn't say 'Let's give that plucky cat from Marquis Lane a chance'.
Just like Nick Clegg, I was unable to translate my popularity in the polls into votes.
I stayed at home to watch the election coverage last night but realising things were not looking good I went for a late night walk, ending in a protest sit-in on the doorstep of a house in Stewart Road in the early hours of this morning. But I found cold comfort there and at 7.30am they called my people to come and take me home.
Politics is a cruel business.
But do not despair, Nancy fans. So my route to celebrity will not be via 10 Downing Street, but that does not mean I am at the end of the road in my quest for fame!
The options before me are endless - newspaper columnist, agony aunt, tv pundit, restaurant critic. The world is my proverbial oyster (or at least, pouch of oyster flavoured chunks in jelly).
Watch this space, friends. In the words of the Terminator, I'll be back!
PS Dave, if you do need the support of the Independents to form a coalition just give me a call - I am of course happy to sacrifice all my principles and policies in the pursuit of power.
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