Monday, 13 June 2011
Nancy on wheels
The weather's turned rainy recently but, like a true pro, I have stoically continued with my punishing schedule of promotional activities around town. There have been times, however, when damp-induced physical discomfort has almost got the better of me.
Last night, for instance, I returned home after an evening's tour of duty whereupon my owners were kind enough to remark that I 'looked like a drowned rat'. I felt like shouting 'let's not forget which member of this household has the book deal and is therefore paying the bills!' But instead I opted for the passive-aggressive response, and tracked muddy pawprints across every dry/clean/soft surface I could find, finishing with a full-body twist'n'shake in front of the TV screen.
Their comment got me thinking, however, that there must be a more comfortable way of raising my profile: one that doesn't involve pounding the streets on all fours, in all weathers.
And then it hit me. I need a Nancymobile! That way I can be driven around, like the Pope, in a manner befitting my stature and gravitas, protected from the elements but on full view to my adoring public. A megaphone could be used to alert people to my imminent arrival ('Nancy's coming. Lock the dog in the kitchen and open the tuna.') I would be able to increase the range of my personal appearances to the other side of town, and beyond! And my fans will no longer feel obliged to drive me home themselves, as they will know my chauffeur (owner) is on hand for the return journey.
This is, surely, what they call a 'no-brainer'?
I shall tell my owners the good news tonight.