Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Feline bete noir: the cat flap

I sometimes think humans don't appreciate how tough life can be for us cats. You think all we do all day is sleep, eat, and kill things and, by and large, you are right, but you fail to appreciate the many irritants, inadequacies and shortcomings which we tolerate on a daily basis.
As a writer, my requirements are simple. I need access to the computer, I need comfortable sleeping quarters, and I need to be able to get outside quickly to answer the call of nature (or if I have seen a juicy wren or blackbird boucing across the lawn).
There is only one thing standing between me and aforesaid avian snack, and it has nothing to do with my hunting prowess. It is the cat flap.
Could someone please tell me who invented this device, because I would like to send them a sharply worded email.
Can you imagine an episode of Dragons' Den in which some wide-eyed inventor turns up with a human equivalent of the cat flap: a hinged plastic window which you have to force open with your head?
The Dragons wouldn't even give it the time of day.
A method of entering and exiting in which the plastic flap either swings back and hits you on the nose on your way out, or catches the tip of your tail on your way in - is that really the best design humankind could come up with?
Would it be impossible to invent a device, say, with sliding doors which sense your approach and slide open in readiness for you? Perhaps with an accompanying announcement for human owners: 'Attention! Incoming feline! Prepare bowl of cat crunchies!'
Now that's an invention I would invest in. But until then, to quote the Dragons, 'I'm out' (with a sore tail and bruised nose).

No comments:

Post a Comment